Baby goes to creche (Day 3)

Today was the third day that I took my baby to the creche. My comfort level on leaving him had increased, and to me, my baby seemed relaxed as well. When I waved him goodbye he gave me a small smile as if saying "I know you will be back, I'll be waiting". I was confident that today he would be fine and when I went back to pick him up my confidence proved correct. He was playing, a sight that made me even more relaxed. The care taker told me that he slept and ate good today. My baby has grown up :)
When we came back home I fed him, as he laid in my lap I noticed he was caressing my arm. It is his new sense of touch that he must have been exploring, but to me it felt like he was reassuring himself that I am back and showing me his love.

Baby goes to creche (day 2)

Yesterday was his second day at the creche. I was more organised this time, I woke up early, fed him, talked to him a little and then got him ready to leave. He looked at me with his cute puppy dog eyes when he sat in his buggy, saying "I wonder where mama is taking me so early in the morning". Seven minutes later we were at the creche, and I again saw a scared expression on his face. I handed him to the care taker and then talked to him a little bit. He passed me half a smile and then I was ready to leave.
This time I didn't feel as wierd as I felt the first time. I was much more relaxed. I paid more attention in class and happily went back to pick my baby up. However, my mood changed when I reached the creche. I saw my baby wrapped up in a sheet sleeping in a bouncer in the middle of the room with a little towel over his eyes. The care taker came to me and said he doesn't sleep in the bed "he searches for you". They said he didn't drink much either. I felt so sad for my baby. What am I doing?! This course isn't worth putting my child through so much pain. If he wants to be with mama then he should be with mama. I made up my mind, I am going to cancel the creche and the course can wait or end or whatever, nothing is more important than my baby.
I narrated all these dialogues in front of my husband, who said I was stupid. Somehow he tried to convince me that its only eight hours in a whole week that he is away from me. "So what if he cries, he cries at home too" he said. "Don't worry, he won't stay hugry, he will drink when he has to." I don't know how but I got convinced to give this creche thing some more time. Maybe he will get used to it, or maybe he will keep hating it till I finish my course. Again a motivation for me to study harder, and that's exactly what I am going to do now.
Signing off.

Baby goes to creche

As I restart my Dutch language course I was forced to make arrangements for childcare. Unfortunately, living alone in the Netherlands without any family or friends meant that my baby had to go to professionals. Before he was born, I was very comfortable with the idea of leaving him in a daycare, but once I had to do it, I wondered how mothers gather up the courage of leaving their babies in the hands of complete strangers.
I was clueless as to where and how to start this whole daycare business, but my problem was solved by Chikuba. It is an official agency that helps you find daycare and make all the necessary arrangements for it. Since I am not working and am following a Dutch language course through the gementee, I am entitled to subsidised daycare. That meant that I ended up paying only 1/6th of the total cost. It is still alot considering the baby needs daycare for only half a day while I am at school, but their policy requires payment for a whole day, even if the child stays there for only an hour.
My baby now goes to Caleido Kidzz. It is right next to my house, an apparently nice place with some nice ladies. This Friday morning I got up made some quick lunch for myself dressed up and then looked at my baby. Poor thing was sleeping peacefully, but I had to pick him up to change his diaper. I hated myself for disrupting his sleep, but as I began to unbutton him he did his usuals squirms and then opened his eyes to smile at me. I put on his jacket and put him in his buggy and off we went. He was very silent, probably confused as to where we are going so early in the morning. We entered the creche, I took off his jacket and then handed my baby over to the caretaker. He looked even more confused now, other babies came to greet him, and he stared at them with his big eyes. I stood by the door staring at him, I could stand there all day, but I had to go. So I bade farewell and walked out. From now till four hours I will have no idea what my baby does.
As I walked out of the creche I felt wierd, I wasn't pushing a buggy, rather swinging my arms on the side. I was looking around rather than looking at the cute face of my baby in front of me. When I entered the tram I was not confined to the buggy area, rahter I went inside and stood with all baby-less people. I approached my school realising that I had carried my baby to the school with me for eight months, and now I am going to school alone.
At school I could just not get my baby's face out of my head, the face that I left in the creche. In my break I called to find out how he was doing, they said he was asleep which calmed me down a bit. He was my only topic of conversation with my classfellows. The last half hour in school I kept looking at the watch of my classfellow
sitting opposite me. As soon as the lesson was over I walked at my maximum speed towards the creche. I opened the door and there he was, my baby. I couldn't stop kissing him. We came home cuddled and slept together for two hours. I just hope he didn't miss me as much as I missed him.