My son, my friend

Moving to a new city and not speaking the language can seem like a daunting way to undertake a new beginning. For this Amsterdam Mama, learning the language and becoming pregnant opened up a new perspective on life in Amsterdam.

http://www.amsterdam-mamas.nl/stories/this-month/my-son-my-friend

As romantic as we may think of or imagine newly married life, it is not free from challenges. Challenges of adjustment, compromise and making a new start in general. When I got married I was met with the challenge of not only adjusting with a new person, but also with a totally new lifestyle in another part of the world. I had no friends there, and I felt that no one could truly understand how I felt.

Later, when I did manage to create a small life of my own there, a job, some friends with whom I would occasionally meet up or just keep in touch, I found myself saying goodbye to this country as well and landing in Amsterdam.

I never imagined living in a country where I didn’t even speak the language. For my first week here with zero knowledge of Dutch I felt deaf, dumb and blind. Learning the language was an essential for me. I always wanted to learn a new language anyways and this was the perfect scenario.

Things started to become easier as I joined my language school. I was meeting people regularly, and also learning and exploring new things every day. Amsterdam is beautiful and I enjoyed walking through this new city.

Still, my only friend was my solitude, until one day when I discovered there was a life growing inside me. From that day onwards I stopped feeling alone. Even when I walked alone I felt my baby walking with me. He was with me all the time, even while I slept. I looked forward to my baby being born. I remember once in an upset mood I was walking in a beautiful Amsterdam park when the thought of my baby made me smile. At that time I had thought that soon I will have a companion to share these walks with, a friend to talk to.

Now, with my toddler, I see my dreams coming true. We talk, we play, we go out and share every moment of our lives together. I enjoy going to cafes with him, put him in a high chair and we eat together, mother and son. We go to the park together, whether he is in his buggy or on foot, he is still with me.

Having a baby also magically increased my social circle. It introduced me to the wonderful community of Amsterdam Mamas, wherever everyone looks out for each other like a devoted family member.

Also after having this baby I felt better connected with my husband. My sparkling clean house feels like a messy home now and I love the feeling of graduating from a couple to a family.

I thank my God every day for blessing me with this baby, who has taken away my depression and made me complete. He adores me so much at this stage and sticks to me like a shadow, but I know it is not going to be like this forever. As he grows he will need his space. Still, I hope that we share a friendly and beautiful relationship forever. I imagine my son being my best friend in times to come and that is the best feeling ever.

Baby goes to creche (day 2)

Yesterday was his second day at the creche. I was more organised this time, I woke up early, fed him, talked to him a little and then got him ready to leave. He looked at me with his cute puppy dog eyes when he sat in his buggy, saying "I wonder where mama is taking me so early in the morning". Seven minutes later we were at the creche, and I again saw a scared expression on his face. I handed him to the care taker and then talked to him a little bit. He passed me half a smile and then I was ready to leave.
This time I didn't feel as wierd as I felt the first time. I was much more relaxed. I paid more attention in class and happily went back to pick my baby up. However, my mood changed when I reached the creche. I saw my baby wrapped up in a sheet sleeping in a bouncer in the middle of the room with a little towel over his eyes. The care taker came to me and said he doesn't sleep in the bed "he searches for you". They said he didn't drink much either. I felt so sad for my baby. What am I doing?! This course isn't worth putting my child through so much pain. If he wants to be with mama then he should be with mama. I made up my mind, I am going to cancel the creche and the course can wait or end or whatever, nothing is more important than my baby.
I narrated all these dialogues in front of my husband, who said I was stupid. Somehow he tried to convince me that its only eight hours in a whole week that he is away from me. "So what if he cries, he cries at home too" he said. "Don't worry, he won't stay hugry, he will drink when he has to." I don't know how but I got convinced to give this creche thing some more time. Maybe he will get used to it, or maybe he will keep hating it till I finish my course. Again a motivation for me to study harder, and that's exactly what I am going to do now.
Signing off.

Back to school

In my previous post I did mention that I have rejoined my Dutch language course, but the post focused on how I felt being separated from my baby. In principle I should hate this course, which is keeping my baby away from me, but truthfully I don't hate it, infact I quite like it. This is a time where I am exercising my brain to learn new things, a new language, I constantly struggle to think hard about each and every word, and I enjoy it. I take this as an exercise in preventing my brain cells from getting rusty.
It was greatly encouraging to notice that I hadn't forgotten my Dutch in my four month leave. I was still on the same level as I left, which means that if I keep up learning, very soon I might be able to write a whole blog post in Dutch! My inspiration for working even harder now is to finish my course as soon as possible and get back full time custody of my baby.
Sucess (good luck) to me!

Baby goes to creche

As I restart my Dutch language course I was forced to make arrangements for childcare. Unfortunately, living alone in the Netherlands without any family or friends meant that my baby had to go to professionals. Before he was born, I was very comfortable with the idea of leaving him in a daycare, but once I had to do it, I wondered how mothers gather up the courage of leaving their babies in the hands of complete strangers.
I was clueless as to where and how to start this whole daycare business, but my problem was solved by Chikuba. It is an official agency that helps you find daycare and make all the necessary arrangements for it. Since I am not working and am following a Dutch language course through the gementee, I am entitled to subsidised daycare. That meant that I ended up paying only 1/6th of the total cost. It is still alot considering the baby needs daycare for only half a day while I am at school, but their policy requires payment for a whole day, even if the child stays there for only an hour.
My baby now goes to Caleido Kidzz. It is right next to my house, an apparently nice place with some nice ladies. This Friday morning I got up made some quick lunch for myself dressed up and then looked at my baby. Poor thing was sleeping peacefully, but I had to pick him up to change his diaper. I hated myself for disrupting his sleep, but as I began to unbutton him he did his usuals squirms and then opened his eyes to smile at me. I put on his jacket and put him in his buggy and off we went. He was very silent, probably confused as to where we are going so early in the morning. We entered the creche, I took off his jacket and then handed my baby over to the caretaker. He looked even more confused now, other babies came to greet him, and he stared at them with his big eyes. I stood by the door staring at him, I could stand there all day, but I had to go. So I bade farewell and walked out. From now till four hours I will have no idea what my baby does.
As I walked out of the creche I felt wierd, I wasn't pushing a buggy, rather swinging my arms on the side. I was looking around rather than looking at the cute face of my baby in front of me. When I entered the tram I was not confined to the buggy area, rahter I went inside and stood with all baby-less people. I approached my school realising that I had carried my baby to the school with me for eight months, and now I am going to school alone.
At school I could just not get my baby's face out of my head, the face that I left in the creche. In my break I called to find out how he was doing, they said he was asleep which calmed me down a bit. He was my only topic of conversation with my classfellows. The last half hour in school I kept looking at the watch of my classfellow
sitting opposite me. As soon as the lesson was over I walked at my maximum speed towards the creche. I opened the door and there he was, my baby. I couldn't stop kissing him. We came home cuddled and slept together for two hours. I just hope he didn't miss me as much as I missed him.

Nederlands leren (Learning Dutch)

When I was coming to live in the Netherlands I was determined to learn the language as soon as possible. On my very first trip to the market it became even more evident that there is a pressing need to learn the language in order to perform even the simplest of tasks like buying grocery. In Amsterdam almost everyone speaks a little or lot English, but they don't like writing English. So anything you want to buy, or any official letter you recieve will be in Dutch.
Hence, I contacted the local gementee, (council) which was kind enough to put me in a free one-year course to learn dutch. Four months ago the course kindly gave me a leave to perform my motherhood duties, and now I have been recalled to finish my unfinished business - the course.
I like learning, and this was my first experience of learning a new language, which was really fun. After my first few lessons I was able to make small sentences to introduce myself - something a five-year-old can do fluently, but I was proud of my accomplishment. Now, I can make people understand what I want to say in small words and broken grammar, but the harder part is understanding what they are saying. Even if I make them repeat themselves twice, the Dutch accent is just too confused for me to understand. Hopefully, by the time my course finishes, my one-way communication will reach atleast the level of a ten-year-old.
Sucess (good luck) to me!