Yesterday was his second day at the creche. I was more organised this time, I woke up early, fed him, talked to him a little and then got him ready to leave. He looked at me with his cute puppy dog eyes when he sat in his buggy, saying "I wonder where mama is taking me so early in the morning". Seven minutes later we were at the creche, and I again saw a scared expression on his face. I handed him to the care taker and then talked to him a little bit. He passed me half a smile and then I was ready to leave.
This time I didn't feel as wierd as I felt the first time. I was much more relaxed. I paid more attention in class and happily went back to pick my baby up. However, my mood changed when I reached the creche. I saw my baby wrapped up in a sheet sleeping in a bouncer in the middle of the room with a little towel over his eyes. The care taker came to me and said he doesn't sleep in the bed "he searches for you". They said he didn't drink much either. I felt so sad for my baby. What am I doing?! This course isn't worth putting my child through so much pain. If he wants to be with mama then he should be with mama. I made up my mind, I am going to cancel the creche and the course can wait or end or whatever, nothing is more important than my baby.
I narrated all these dialogues in front of my husband, who said I was stupid. Somehow he tried to convince me that its only eight hours in a whole week that he is away from me. "So what if he cries, he cries at home too" he said. "Don't worry, he won't stay hugry, he will drink when he has to." I don't know how but I got convinced to give this creche thing some more time. Maybe he will get used to it, or maybe he will keep hating it till I finish my course. Again a motivation for me to study harder, and that's exactly what I am going to do now.
Signing off.
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